No …I can’t really do it . It simply doesn’t work for me. I’m talking about the “Nolan” television show on Wednesday nights on BBC 1 , Northern Ireland. Yes, I know Mr Nolan has a very popular radio show every morning on Radio Ulster and he calls it the” Biggest Show In The Country” in a brash ,ebullient way.So what? My late Uncle Paddy was a baker and he would say ,without any hint of cynicism, but possibly a sly chuckle,that when you get right down to it , you can talk about quality while awaiting the return of the cows to home -base, but what Mr Joe Public out there really wants is a bun as big as a duncher’s cap. That would be one of those old flat newsboy -type caps that were very popular with the working man a generation ago.He would say that if you made the cake as big as said chapeau and filled the pastry with sugary ,cinnamon sweetened sawdust and sold it for tuppence, quality would not be a consideration and the mythical Man On The Street would buy the sugary comestible by the barrow -load. For the most part , I think he made a good point there. A lot of people don’t really care about quality so long as there’s a Good Big Feed for the right money. Why else would McDonalds have conquered the world?
You might call that the lowest common denominator in action. The Nolan radio show works very well at times , in that it allows the public to vent their frustration at our local politicians and of course it allows the same politicians a platform to expound on the topics of the day. It usually ends up in a lot of ranting and when there is a “conversation” , people tend to talk unfettered and drown each other out. Mr.Nolan has a propensity for butting into a conversation but sometimes is a very reticent chair-person when it comes to untangling two vying conversations.He certainly is popular and he does appear, for the most part, to be defending that same Common Man in the Street from the shenanigans of errant politics. I think his heart is in the right place in many ways. The radio show has more space to develop conversations and arguments because it runs for an hour and a half.
The television show is a slightly different beast. In much the same way that radio forces the mind to create the pictures to go with the dialogue and the personalities, television, by providing the visuals, strips the combatants of any illusory, unseen glamour. It exposes them as emperors with no clothes .The body- language , the ill-fitting clothes, the dodgy make-up and bad haircuts are all exposed in the glare of the studio lights . There is also the fact that the audience’s various biases are presented in how they laugh, smile , grimace and applaud their various champions on show. There is no real time to tease out a proper debate and there is much face-pulling, sound-bite and rough comedy on show.
I watched last night, for example and the complacency of the politicians faced with the possible breakdown of local government, was only shattered by Naomi Long of Alliance, beaming in onscreen from London with an acerbic critique of the stasis ,bitching and prevarication of Northern Irish political development . Her perfectly clear-minded take was lucid, concise and constructive in its brevity but not one person in the audience joined their hands in appreciative acknowledgement that Naomi’s bitter medicine was actually the unpalatable, unvarnished truth. it doesn’t matter what your politics are .The truth is still the truth.She is a sharp knife in a kitchen full to the cribs with mush. . It seemed to illicit no response whatsoever, as if it had neither been understood or even heard and was quickly dismissed by Mr Nolan who was anxious to push on with the show.Nancy Soderberg, key advisor to President Bill Clinton during the peace process was similarly presented in a filmed interview and her reading of the situation was all but dismissed as interfering . Given the fact that without her input we would all still inhabit a rancid war zone, this appeared both disingenuous but also unappreciative. The unionists in particular appeared to have developed political and social amnesia as to the real play of politics that they had been given ample time in this past twenty years to get right. The show was otherwise weighted in favour of the utterings of the two unionist politicians on the panel. Their every banal utterance applauded by their camp followers.They had the floor pretty much to themselves. The seemingly sidelined SDLP was an irrelevance in this noisy format, sniping half-heartedly between two strains of unionism, each vying to out- do the other. Sinn Fein were a no- show in light of another potential sex- scandal involving some of their old republican companions in the pre-Agreement and now defunct IRA. The coming Non-Talks that are brewing were mostly, seemingly felt to be immaterial, the public having long-since decided that the unionists are not up to the job of cutting deals. Their track record of breaking promises and reneging on agreements already stinking up any validity they might have had.
I imagine that if Sinn Fein actually refused to attend any future Nolan shows, the show itself would eventually expire outright.Without that Pushmepullyou -that Yin and Yang of competing political opposites, the show would literally wither on the vine. It would consume itself.
There is something already intangibly insubstantial about the format in any case, in that it chooses to mix musical content with light Norneverland comedy.A comedy pantomime grotesque was wheeled on, at which point I switched off. It fails to be either fish or fowl. It is attempting to be too many things at the same time; a politics show with a mix of family light -entertainment and real music rather than “canned pop”. It is attempting to be all things to all men and is falling between those many stools..Of course it has also reduced local politics to an ersatz form of entertainment to compete with the X-Factor. Some might say that is perfectly apt given the level of most of the performers.
It is certainly a many-coloured beast in that respect, but it seems to be heading for a quiet extinction because of those multi-colours. In that respect, Nolan’s radio show is a better vehicle for him to perform in. It forces him to create an imagined radio “personality” without the distraction of a visual studio audience…and we can all get on with the “real-life” of working around the home ,while it chirps merrily in the background where it really should be .
Excellent critique. It was a really weird show, I thought I had fallen into a time warp and had been transported back to the 1980s, Unionists talking about no interference from the south and telling the yanks to mind their own business. It was quite surreal. The audiences on the Nolan show seem to be from Loyalist central casting. Are any Republicans actually invited to that programme? You would not think Sinn Féin were partners in the government.
Harry,
I can’t say, I ever listened to Nolan on Live5 (?) but I understand he does it from a studio in Manchester. Having lived in England for 2 decades, I can’t imagine any English political figure enduring the type of visceral attacks he occasionally deploys when dealing with some SF personnel. I suspect – indeed I would say for my own part – his attacks on Phil F and Alex M will not be easily forgotten.
I’ve never voted for Alliance but would, if I could, give them a preference vote. If only we had more unionists like Naomi Long… imagine we could then actually progress toward that land they refer to as modernity.
It’s been a wee time now since a story from the ‘idea’ that is the Six Counties has gained such legs in the ‘feeling’ that is the Free Southern Stateen.
(‘Idea’ and ‘feeling’ being borrowings from the Sir Bob Geldof political lexicon to whose shining coinages one feels compelled to doff one’s duncher).
Perhaps even, since Gerry Adams was last toe-poked into chokey.
And what legs ! Like the hind legs of a kangaroo itself, such have been the large, elastic tendons which have propelled the story to go on a non-stop hop from receptive studio to accommodating newspaper. Like a learner lady driver somewhat lacking, perhaps, in basic motor skills and with large L-plates to advertise same, it has kangarooed itself into the consciousness of the folk down South.
As a study in Group Dynamics it has been a spectacular example sans pareil; specifically, indeed, as a study in G.T.D. (Group Think Dynamics).
Relationships have been at the core of the story: like who was whose grand niece and whose grand uncle was none other than. (But not, of course, any further).
Perkie must declare an interest at this point: the only relationship he ever had with Joe Cahill was the one established during the course of one thirty minute après ballad session session in a back room of the Wexford Inn in Dublin.
Being a Tuesday night, around twenty five years ago, this meant the ballad session featured the Wolfe Tones and despite the name of the venue, songs from the great Redmondite songbook did not, alas, feature. So, ‘Pack up your troublesome kitbag on the White Cliffs of Dover’ remained, alas, unsung.
In a small, select gathering (no other would suffice the Pernickety One) Private Perkie found himself in the company of two generals, one already named and the other, the greatest general who ever commanded a football forward line in the GAA: Sean Purcell of Galway. Also, known as the Galloping General Puskas of the GAH. Both footballers, one Gaelic, one soccer, were contemporaries, low sized and rotund and geniuses to boot.
I mention this because G.A. (see high above) might well be short for G.A.A. (see lower above) as both the man and the sporting organization are constantly on the back foot in the Free Southern Stateen, repeatedly having to explain, justify and vindicate themselves under the gimlet gaze of an antagonistic meejitia.
Another question of relationships arose during the RTE interview (oops, one almost wrote ‘interrogate’ ) with G.A: are the Crowleys, Richard and Aleister in any way connected?
Richard Crowley, of course, is one of the resident rotweillers of RTE and truly did he excel his snarling self on this occasion, even unto creating a little piece of history amidst a great deal of hysteria. For he managed to achieve something which had not been done since the legendary over-shoot of the RTE runway by the Gormful Gorman in the Keaneair episode.
This time Richard the Rotweiller was so intent of snapping at G.A. that he too overshot the RTE runway, thus making the following Sports Bulletin…..disappear. That is why the above question is asked: Aleister Crowley, after all, who was known ‘as the wickedest man in the world’ in his time, had achieved infamy as both an occulist and as……. a ceremonial magician.
A fair question, one might suggest. Certainly, at least as fair as some of the darker accusations leveled at G.A.
Which brought another incident from the leaky sieve of Perkie’s faltering memory to mind: the very first time that Richard the Leanhard bared his fangs in a broadcasting studio. It was on the Late, Late Show (whose presenter was never slow to show his hand except on one exceptional occasion) when the hitherto unknown rotweiller snapped, snarled and secateured at none other than Tomas O Fiaich, Ard Easpag Ard Mhaca.
The Growly Crowley had arrived.
He later went on to become the Middle-East Correspondent of RTE and in his idle moments Perkie was given to wonder did the roving rotweiller ever get to dish out the three s’s (see above) treatment to rabbi or mullah. Certaintly, he has yet to do it to either the Chief Rabbi of Ireland or (Allah forbid !) the Mullah of Mullaghbawn himself.
So, Perkie was left wondering what it might be like- that is, up till today. For who should he interview in today’s programme only Ms.M.C., the grand-niece of Joe Cahill himself. Such is the vast versatility of this top notch broadcaster that we saw a different, equally able, one in action today.
Rather than Growly Crowley we got, rather, the Roly Poly Crowley. Gone from yesterday were the trademark heel snaps, the legendary lane crossing, the sensational sentence guillotining. In their place we got the gentlemanly ‘no, you go on’, the sensitive ‘please do’ and the exquisitely thoughtful ‘we are extremely grateful’. No grand niece was every treated more nicely or in such a grand manner. The RTE studio was transformed into a veritable centre of polite excellence.
For once in his career, Richard the Leanhard felt no compunction to live up the leprechaun origins of his surname: ‘Crua Laoch’ means ‘Hard Chaw’. Perhaps, even, it has something to do with his Dworkin Class roots.
Which those of a negative disposition might grumble that surely the onus is on the accuser to receive the grilling and to justify all the cooing and billing, PW is blessedly not numbered among them.
To conclude as one commenced, on the note marsupial: with the media across the water riven with accusations and worse of child abuse scandals isn’t it passing strange that not a hint of a whiff of a suggestion has come to tap on the door of the Irish media? After all, the British media has but to emit a trouser cough of a peculiar putridity for its Irish counterpart to cough and splutter apologetically.
Why, then, has this particular kangaroo being so easy to tie down in the Free Southern Stateen, at least?
Noisome Nellies (of both sexes) will allege it is because the Fourth Estate here is a Gated Estate patrolled 24/7 by its own in-house rotweillers who are as intent on preventing stories from getting out as from getting in.
Perkie disagrees. Ever one for the Mickaleen Flynn philosophy that the proprieties must be observed at ALL times, he is of the firm conviction that low standards in the high-minded circles of the Free Southern Stateen meejitia are not about to tolerated, any time soon.
At last some one who understands why I scream at the radio almost every day when the Nolan show is on. Don’t even go there with the TV show. I can’t believe the BBC let this crap go on air. Stephen Nolan to give him his full title is every thing that is wrong with to quote him ‘ this country’ does he not realise he airliners half the population every time he utters that phrase or maybe he does!!!! The unfortunate thing is we are paying for this pr unionist clown and it is so frustrating that we cannot do any thing about it. Makes me angry daily. 🙁
Hu Liam. I do believe that Mr Nolan is totally unaware that he is insulting anyone , really. He just doesn’t get it and i suppose in that …that is the very reason we are all in the situation here in Nornneverland. A huge swathe of the population is on another page entirely and he represents that in one person..Let’s face it, it is the lowest common denominator in operation.It’s only the odd time when you get the quality with the quantity anyway. Think popular music…think popular books…..
Mighty Perk . I think you just sucked all the air out of the room!
“I imagine that if Sinn Fein actually refused to attend any future Nolan shows, the show itself would eventually expire outright.Without that Pushmepullyou -that Yin and Yang of competing political opposites, the show would literally wither on the vine. It would consume itself.”
I couldn’t agree more. It frankly confounds and annoys me intensely that Ministers and MLAs can sit for 20 minutes or more at times at Nolan’s beck and call. The show is first last and always about one thing – Nolan. Its an ego fest of pop stirring issues with the same predictable voices and the kind of drivel from callers that makes you wince with embarrassment that they might be your fellow countrymen and women and by association we will be tainted. They say ugliness has its attractions and Nolan is so bad it draws you to see if it can get any worse.
He is always careful not to voice an opinion on any subject – welfare reform, abortion, taking blood from gay men – sorry, plenty of pot stirring but no opinion of his own that we can debate and he can defend.
And finally the increasing lazy journalism that accompanies the show. If its a DUP spokesman (usually) you can bet its Gregory Campbell or Sammy Wilson and on the SF side, Alex Maskey or Gerry Kelly, as well as the predictable run of that new breed of broadcasting stream of consciousness – the ‘commentator’. Alex Kane, Jude Collins et al. Especially annoying is the social commentator, arguing the toss about whether we should buy cut flowers or let them grow naturally. Frankly my dear…
The laziness has now crept into the way Nolan’s work on Radio Five Live creeps into his NI show, where ‘The Friday Interview’ is a straight take from R5 Live and a lazy half hour for the ego to get ready to rush to the airport. Also the number of his English commentator cronies from R5Live is growing. If Direct Rule ever comes back he’s probably finished.
I’m not even going to start on the TV show…
Ashmount – I’m in agreement with you about everything except the bit about that guy Collins – I think we don’t see/hear half enough of him.
I suppose everyone’s entitled to earn a living somehow… : )