I see this there’s a whole new survey directed soley at me ,just in time to start the new year on the right foot.
The UK government has finally tracked me down and found me huddled in a dimly -lit corner, sipping my third glass of Malbec by candlelight.Their officials have grabbed me by the throat and have told me to get a grip of myself. “There is no safe limit for alcohol consumption!”, they screamed.
Not only that ; they have told me that I am going to die of cancer if I continue on my merry way, sousing my poor old liver, daily, in baths of that good old red wine.The limit, apparently ,is a paltry seven glasses of wine per week? What planet do these officials live on? I’d need that just to keep breathing. They also said that some days should be alcohol-free! Who makes this stuff up? It is obviously a slow month for political news when they wheel out the health experts to instruct us on how best to live our own lives. Let’s see now…they’ve banned plastic bags and smoking.Those two are fair enough. We could see what plastic bags were doing to the environment and they’d foolishly chosen to ban marijuana instead of tobacco so I’ve given up smoking anything from the plant- world some thirty odd years ago, years ago{except for the odd cigar…and even that has gone since the wife stopped smoking}, although I’m sure some bean-counter is gnashing his teeth in a basement somewhere at the loss to the Exchequer when the tobacco taxes stopped flowing into the coffers in torrents. It’s only a matter of time before all these “vapers” are consigned to a dark cellar to indulge the latest nefarious addiction. Now they want to stop us all drinking and close down all the public houses , which is what would ultimately happen.Why don’t they just close all the hospitals while they are at it and get on with it? We could all simply die in our beds at home!
This is the first new advice on alcohol since 1995. They say I shouldn’t save up all those bottles until the weekend ,either and then make a pig of myself by getting drunk on my stashed cache. I always say that the name of the game is to attempt to remain sober so that I can enjoy every mouthful and every minute of my life, in any case.
According to a survey which I’ve just done in the privacy of my backroom, I drink approximately one thousand …and then some ….glasses of red wine annually, given that it’s approximately 365 bottles of wine plus the odd glass of ale, which means that my drinking habits are unlike the average for anyone, or any country , in the survey, but the nearest is Belarus, which apparently is the heaviest-drinking country in the world. Belarus…that’s close to Poland, right? Alcohol remains a major reason of crime, suicide and health problems in Belarus, apparently. What’s wrong with these people? Can they not have a drink and behave themselves?There’s me thinking that the Irish and the Germans were leading the pack on that one. The irish are weel down that league table apparently , even though they’ve cemented the art of drinking and fighting as some kind of Olympic sport or art-form , in the world’s eye. I wonder does that apply to the Irish nation on both sides of the imaginary border. Are the Irish Norneverlanders made from similar cloth as their counterparts a few miles south?
What is the UK government getting its knickers in a twist about now? The UK is only the 24th heaviest-drinking country in the known world . That makes them rank amateurs by all accounts.Why are n’t they equally worried about bombing the bejasus out of Syria and wasting all our money on armaments?
Okay..I know I have to slow down a little and the new year is as good a time as any to break old habits . I blame retirement; it’s like being a student again; all that free time to indulge and no real restraints. Whether it has an adverse effect on my creativity, I’ll leave that judgement to others. From now on Mr. Government , I’m only going to open one bottle of Malbec per day and make that do. You’ll be sorry when the money stops rolling in for all those new bombs you want to make for blowing up all those non-drinkers in foreign climes.I’ve noticed they’ve already upped the price of a bottle of my favourite by £1.50 as the new year broke so somebody already knows that I’v e put the fix in and the coffers will be drying up . That’s quite a price hike, I thought.They obviously know I’ll be buying less but I’ll always buy the stuff at any price. The only good news is that the wife now knows that previous government guidance set out daily drinking limits of three to four units for men and two to three for women. Now they reckon men and women should have equal limits. In the spirit of equality and feminism she can now drink as much as me .
Maybe it is a good time to slow down a bit…..
For someone who drank a little too much when I was much younger, I accept this is very hypocritical, but I think and I cannot recall whether it was the british state or irish state were planning to set a minimum price per unit of alcohol, but I felt that this was a good thing.
An 18 year old version of myself would have been outraged, but with age and a reduced capacity for alcohol consumption and all resilience to hangovers almost depleted entirely, my outlook on this has either matured or weakened.
This would make a tin of beer in a supermarket the same price as a pint.
Rather than closing bars, my initial reaction was that this would in fact get people back into bars as it would be as costly to drink at home as to go out for an evening.
While I enjoy the occasional drink with friends at home, my last night out was en evening with Hyland Paddy providing the entertainment who were exceptional. It was by chance we ran into them being on and it was then I realised that there were a lot less diddley dees about over recent years. Perhaps less people going out or even only in my imagination I don’t know, but we had a brilliant night thanks to some great music and craic by excellent musicians and entertainers.
Ireland needs its bards, it is what gives Ireland its soul.
Let the people sing once again!
It is a curious thing that as we get older we view our younger selves in a completely different light.We thought nothing of carousing and binge -drinking in smoke filled fuggy pubs.These airless smoky tobacco- stained pubs were just our norm.The health -police would now close them all down! it was almost a rite of passage to get as much booze and smoke down your throat as was humanly possible. We’d go out on a Saturday afternoon at about 3.00pm and come home around midnight. The pubs closed earlier so we had to get going earlier too! There were always characters will huge capacitities for pints after pints. Some could swallow gallons of beer or Guinness seemingly without much effect at all.The only thing that slowed us down was the coming working life and responsibilities and even then the weekend began on Thursday night with Friday still to be negotiated … and ended on Sunday with the come-down on Monday morning.
Given the price of drink in bars now, I wonder how anyone can have a night {or weekend} out like that these days. It’s even more extraordinary with modern young women who have additionally huge hairdressing, nailcare, cosmetic and fashion habits to support as well as the alcohol bill. How can they do it? What kind of wages does it take when a visit to the hairdresser might cost fifty quid and a night on the town could set you back maybe another hundred or so? Like I said I only have the time and finances in retirement, but i certainly couldn’t drink wine or ale at the prices charged per glass in our local hostelries…in the quantities our youngsters now indulge. All those shots!!
great article Harry – give the authorities a week or a month and there will be yet another directive about imbibing alcohol or eating butter or kale or something.
i remember that my grandfather’s doctor prescribed him a shot once a day in order to keep the veins open in his old age – which he dutifully took before settling down to his cigar and a book after getting up at noon.
Pap worked in a steel mill and spent a good part of his evening at the bar right outside the gates before going home so I guess his drinking slowed down in retirement (the opposite for you I guess). He lived well and never went into hospital until he broke his leg taking out the garbage. I listen with half an ear and go about my day I still enjoy a glass or two, perhaps not everyday but when I have a mind and it’s funny, why are the Irish always pointed out as the big drinkers? I didn’t know about the Belarusyns but I had heard the Czechs were close to the top of the consumption list.
Talk about price though, I saw the price for a bottle of restoratol or whatever it’s called that is supposed to be derived from wine/grapes in the vitamins section of the store. I’d gladly take the wine over a bottle of pills any day!
I agree sarah.I have to admit that although I really enjoy my wine and a really good hoppy ale, I have been forced to take note that it is way too easy to ramp up the drinking when you don’t have to rise for the workaday world at a specific time and the one or two evening glasses can easily slip into three or four when the booze takes effect…and it’s very easyto slide. I had the unfortunate experience of picking up hepatitis in my twenties many years ago which laid me out for six months of abstinence so I have a fair idea what can happen when the old liver takes a shot. It’s not pleasant at all and best avoided …so I do think about that a bit .I’m now attempting to make a resolution to give the old fellow a rest at least once or twice a week and keep consumption at a less rocknroll level !
someday hope to be at a place where I have the ability to have 2 or 4 and not worry about the next day’s work! that said, after reading yet another crazy article about a Jesuit priest in Chicago attacking the 1916 commemorations and that the Rising was undemocratic, I am ready to slip out and finish that bottle of Cab I opened the other night! my head hurts at what is being printed.