FUNNY OLD WORLD: WAR STORIES by Donal Kennedy

In real life and both World Wars Winston Churchill behaved like Cathcart. When Germany was defeated in May 1945 at the cost of over twenty million Soviet dead, Churchill was planning to attack the Soviets in July, offering his own troops more bloodshed, toil, sweat and tears, and cajoling the Americans into joining in his treachery, and for good measure, co-opting the late Herr Hitler’s legions to repeat their crimes of the previous four years.Michael Portillo, getting more money for old rope, was on the TV about the “visionary” Churchillian scheme. On 5th July 1945, the British electorate, which had never chosen Churchill as leader, very sensibly dispensed with his services.

Following the defeat of Germany in the previous war Churchill had been the inspiration of the disastrous international attempt to crush the Russian revolution, to crush (parliamentary) democracy in Ireland and to lead a Commonwealth campaign to crush Attaturk’s Turkish Republic. The Commonwealth, which had, in 1914, been summoned by telegram to join  the “Mother Country” in its jolly adventure, demurred, Attaturk thumbed his nose at the British,whose government collapsed leaving Churchill in Opposition, and Lloyd George and the Liberal Party to the history books.

Another “CATCH 22”  character, Milo Minderbender, reckoned that the only sane policy in war was to make money from it. The IRISH TIMES tells us that the munitions industry “was a very lucrative one in 1916 as the British ramped up production in advance of the Battle of the Somme. Millions of pounds were at stake, and an Irish delegation went to the minister for munitions, Lloyd George to secure some contracts.”  The paper continues the story of these Milesian Milo Minderbenders – “The object of the delegation was to persuade the Government to give Ireland a fair proportion of the vast expenditure on the war.”…”Irish Parliamentary Party leader John Redmond introduced the delegation to Lloyd George. As a result contracts worth £126,000 went to Ireland. They also pressed Lloyd George to fully equip the National Shell Company on Parkgate Street Dublin so it could employ 1,400 people making munitions full time. ”  The paper quotes its issue of 24 March 1916.

In March 1916 Irishmen were being supplied as cannon fodder to  German and Turkish guns by John Remond and his ilk, and Irish businessmen were getting contracts to make munitions to kill Germans and Turks with whom Ireland had no legitimate grievance or quarrel, Pressure was building to conscript Irishmen and the British Cabinet had coopted Ministers who were the proven enemies of Ireland.Had there been no Insurrection in 1916 Irishmen would have been conscripted for Britain’s numerous wars, most of them wars of aggression and exploitation , fooled into being used as guinea pigs for chemical and nuclear warfare experiments. Ireland would not have been the beacon for other nations, such as India and Vietnam struggling for freedom. Ireland’s army would not have the nearly sixty years record of honourable service with the United Nations.

Of course Ireland might have had a thriving munitions industry and its politicians and their sons might have trousered many millions in bribes. As it is I suspect many of Ireland’s academics, journalists and politicians have for some decades been corrupted by British money or blackmailed by external agencies into stuffing foolish heads with nonsense. I think though that there are some practical jokers among them whose motto might be – “Sweet are the uses of Perversity.” and that their  play-acting is only for devilment.