This is a copy of a letter I wrote to the editor of The Irish Times last month. The short response is almost certainly from the pen of Fintan O’Toole’s raised-by-wolves younger brother…
This is a copy of a letter I wrote to the editor of The Irish Times last month. The short response is almost certainly from the pen of Fintan O’Toole’s raised-by-wolves younger brother…
A very fair rebuff.
Are you really a doctor? What was the subject of your thesis?
Ah are you testing the good doctors credentials? I am sure its kosher even if it came from the Polytechnic of Ulster!
Two points, Robert: (i) Where I got my doctorate is my business, not yours or MT’s; (ii) It certainly wasn’t from the Ulster Polytechnic.
You having a bad monday morning Jude?
You weren’t so shy about your doctorate when you used it in your letter to the Irish Times. Why the reluctance now to tell us what your thesis was? Something to be proud of, no?
I’m guessing it was maybe in literature? I’d be shocked if it was history or politics or economics.
A fair rebuff? Just because you evoke Dr. Sigmund Freud doesn’t mean that you are Doctor Sigmund Freud. Small differences are what modern European nations are founded on. Differences in language and custom. In all post-colonial cultures from South Africa to Canada you will find people like Desmond O’Toole, self-loathing, ashamed, and in awe of the greatness of the conquerer.
“A fair rebuff?”
Yes.
“Just because you evoke Dr. Sigmund Freud doesn’t mean that you are Doctor Sigmund Freud.”
I didn’t “evoke” him and don’t claim to be him.
“Small differences are what modern European nations are founded on. Differences in language and custom. In all post-colonial cultures from South Africa to Canada you will find people like Desmond O’Toole, self-loathing, ashamed, and in awe of the greatness of the conquerer.”
Difference in language I wouldn’t classify as “small”. The difference in customs between Ireland and Britain is not particularly significant.
Not that I particularly want to get into an argument with you, I was actually referring to Desmond O’Toole’s rebuff which I assumed that you were also referring to. As to Irish customs being different you would have to know some Irish customs before you could tell whether they are different or not. What you refer to as Irish customs are more than likely what I refer to as English customs in Ireland. We were colonised by our neighbors and their culture and language was taught in schools instead of ours. This happened not only in Ireland but all over the world. Are we to call the Maltese, Malaysians, Aboriginal Australians, Native Americans and Kenyans narcissists of small differences because English is spoken widely among them, or because some of them watch American sit coms, premier league football and listen to the Beatles and Elvis Presley? Are you suggesting that we should give up what makes us different and just be like the English? Do you think we would be happy if we did this? Do you think we are happy now?
“Not that I particularly want to get into an argument with you, I was actually referring to Desmond O’Toole’s rebuff which I assumed that you were also referring to.”
So why did you use the second person?
“As to Irish customs being different you would have to know some Irish customs before you could tell whether they are different or not. What you refer to as Irish customs are more than likely what I refer to as English customs in Ireland. We were colonised by our neighbors and their culture and language was taught in schools instead of ours. This happened not only in Ireland but all over the world. Are we to call the Maltese, Malaysians, Aboriginal Australians, Native Americans and Kenyans narcissists of small differences because English is spoken widely among them, or because some of them watch American sit coms, premier league football and listen to the Beatles and Elvis Presley? Are you suggesting that we should give up what makes us different and just be like the English? Do you think we would be happy if we did this? Do you think we are happy now?”
I’m merely pointing out that the Irish and British are very culturally similar. And yes I do think the Irish are happy. Haven’t recent surveys found that they are among the happiest?
The first question which was begged by reading the second letter to The Unionist Times, Esteemed Blogmeister, was as follows:
-Who’s aFreud of the younger wolf-reared brother, Virginia ?
That such a second letter should be (a) written, or, at least, typewritten; and (b) should be published in the Paper of Record of the Free Southern Stateen is indubitably down, according to the most reputable of medico-political quacks, of which there is no lack south of the Black South’s Dyke, to a chronic condition known as :
-THE FRAIL CONSTITUTION OF THE FSS.
Not only is it frail in itself but is also the cause of frailty in others, because it never fails to render even the most sulk-prone reader to a helpless hulk of hoots and hollers, begging for mercy. Beaucoup of mercies, indeed, both great and small.
Truly is it an endless source of merriment and mirth; so much so, indeed, that there are rumours abroad and at home alike that a comedy sketch show is already being etched in the imagination of a leading thespian. With a view to its being staged in the National Theatre aka the Abbey, under the working title of:
-Beyond the Cringe.
Now while the repeal of the Eight Amendment- the one calling for the defeat of the foetus – is the one which has been getting the most crunchy soundbytes by the monominded minnies in the media on Liffeyside – by way of contrast, the Eight Article hasn’t even managed a solitary nibble.
Just as gastronomic tastes have changed from plates of hairy bacon and cabbage to platters of batterburgers and smatterings of vegetarian baggage, so also with articles and amendments. That is, to do with the Joke Book of the Baroque Republic whose national (sic) flag is the Green, White and Egg Yolk.
By way of a reminder for those who suffer from a constitution even frailer than the Frail Constitution of the FSS, the Eight Article is the one which concerns itself with lingo, by jingo.
-The Irish Language as the national language is the First National Language.
-The English Language is recognized as the Second National Language.
Looked at forensically, the cold print does not immediately even hint at, much less realise, the immensely heart-warming comic possibilities of this nibbled at not, much less eaten, Eight Article. It is, to adapt the old Carsonian catchphrase:
-The way you tell ‘em.
Consider the current deep-pile coloured Mantra du Jour which has been carpet-laid across the l. and b. of the FSS in this pulsating post-Brexit period:
-Ireland is now the only English-speaking country in the EU !
(For full comic effect lend an ear to the go-to sit-down comedian of the Fianna Fail Better Party aka the Law and Border Party deliver this line: Brian ‘Punch Line’ Hayes, MEP. Na madrai of Main Street bark he is (deservedly) due to be inducted into the charity fund raising wing of the Biz known as Show, i.e., The Grand Order of Water Rate Payers. What a cracker he is.).
So, what caused the Frail Constitution of the Free Southern Stateen to morph from being one Country with Two Languages to being one of Two Countries with One Language ?
Perhaps, the choice of word was, erm, ill-advised: bilingualism. For the Dolls who hold the whip hand in Dahl Eireann this b for bilingualism is patently a subdivision of (gasp) Ms.ogyny.
-Out ! Out ! And about !
Which is not at all to assume that language does not matter South of the Black Sow’s Dyke. Au contraire.
Take this cryptic report which appeared on the Internet Wing Thingy of RTE yesterday from one of their indefatigable Out and Abouters.
(Loyal Reader is free to insert his or her own (gulp) or (gasp) for maximum comic effect);
-The Protest had the appearance of a campaign directed by nationalists. In their literature the reference was to ‘The North’ rather than ‘Northern Ireland’.
So, what Protest might that have been, m’lud? That was the cause of such vexation in the dovecots of Donybrook, D4 ?
Why, these scanty-brained Anti-Brexiteers with no sense of context: not only do these subjects of the British annex not want a return to Border checks but (gulp) would even be opposed to a Tex-Mex type, Falls Road style Peace Wall thingy.
So, what to call the upside of the Black Sow’s Dyke ?
Clearly, the Six Counties is:
-Out !
Norneverland is:
-Out !
And the North is:
-Out !
Personally speaking, going forward, it is the Perkin’s inner slinguist’s considered opinion that one of the more intriguing words in Leprechaun ought to be considered:
-Mor-sheisear.
Literally translated it means: the Big-Six. But in effect, means: Seven.
With the recent arrival of James, erm, Brokenshire only the more cantankerous of constitutional curmudgeons would deliver the equiv of a rap of a hames and cavil at:
-Mor-sheisear / Seven.
At the very least it would restore a sense of symmetry to both side of the Affrontier which has been markedly absent for the past seven year barren spell, going backwards.
THE FLAGNIFICENT SEVEN
A token locum, came James Brokenshire
Under his arms, back numbers of Esquire
The Hell Fire Club
Lords it over Dub-
Lin of the anti Beelzebub Sir Kevin Myer’.
MOR-SHEISEAR
An fada uainn aris anois i gCampa na Ceise
Fada, an cruinniu bliaintuil ud, an Ard-Fheis
An seacht gcontae briste
Chomh raiceailte, scriosta
Leis an matalang ud ar a dtugtar Bangladesh?
.
It seems to me that there are great cultural differences between different parts of England,
never mind Britain, and even within different parts of some cities, amongst the aboriginal inhabitants of those cities, never mind recent immigrants.
The women in LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE have Northern attitudes, the diaries of
Alan Bennett and Tom Courtney could not be products of London’s East End, much
less Mayfair or the Viennese Dr Freud’s Hampstead bolthole.
At today’s commemoration of the Battle of Cable Street, in London,where in 1938 Irish
workers in great numbers stood shoulder to shoulder with their Jewish neighbours, to
deny access to Sir Oswald Mosley’s Fascist Thugs, a Jewish speaker recalled that wealthy
Jewish “Establishment” leaders in areas unthreatened by violence, despised their poorer
Jewish co-religionists and disapproved of their determination to to defend themselves.
The working class of Whitechapel defended their homes and their locality from an
intended pogrom.
It seems to me that Desmond O’Toole, Fintan O’Toole, and their ilk share the disdain for
Irish communities that have suffered pogroms that the comfortable Jewish in 1938 had
for the Jews in Whitechapel.
speaker
Methinks young Desmond sees himself as being a tearoom psychoanalysist. Most with expertise in this field will recognise that the person least suited to diagnose narcissism in another is a narcissist themselves!
The Irish Times used to be the paper of record – now its a variety of patriotism – its the last scoundrel of the refuge!
“the narcissism of small differences”
Interesting turn of phrase.
I’ve often thought that Loyalism’s little-Ulster outlook, and Republican’s little-Gael outlook, will be to the detriment of both traditions.
I don’t think the Irish Republican philosophy of the United Irishmen, Thomas Davis, James Stephens et al was of the “little-Gael” variety but one which espoused the national unity of all Irish people whatever their social, political or religious beliefs. That is not to say that Irish culture and language should be downgraded as these constitute core elements of Irish identity.
As Thomas Davis, the great Irish patriot phrased it..” A people without a language of its own is only half a nation. A nation should guard its language more than its territories—’tis a surer barrier, and more important frontier, than fortress or river. the Irish identity. As Thomas Davis phrased it..” A people without a language of its own is only half a nation. A nation should guard its language more than its territories—’tis a surer barrier, and more important frontier, than fortress or river”.
“I don’t think the Irish Republican philosophy of the United Irishmen, Thomas Davis, James Stephens et al was of the “little-Gael” variety”
Nor do I.
Unfortunately Irish nationalism developed subsequently in quite a narrow way.
I’m surprised the IT actually published your letter. To work in the IT one needs to have a certain Dublin 4 ‘DART’ accent ( i.e. Dublin 2, 4, 6, – anything thing after that you’re working class – i.e. 8, 10, 12, 14, 16, etc), an aspiration to have an Anglo Irish lineage, have a double-barreled name and above all have a neo-conservative, ‘blue shirt’ political belief.
I don’t know WHO “MT” is.
But I think i know ****
As a result I ******.
Donal, I’m afraid that transgresses my rule on being abusive.
I suppose fools rush in where fastidious folks fear to tread!