Seems like the SPADs south of the Black Sow’s Dyke, fare rather better than the SPADs north of that invisible (but, erm, soon to be all-too-visible) line which separates yours wot live in Lion Land and us wot live in the land of The Unicorn Restaurant.
(The Unicorn Restaurant on Merrion Court, Dublin 2 has long been a favourite watering hole, oops, wine lake for the lads, cads and ladies in shoulder pads who comprise the Dub nub of the Southern SPADiad ).
Sadly, December saw the passing of one of the most successful Southern SPADs although his passing may well have escaped the notice of the generality. This may have been down to his first name being ‘Anthony’ which seems, for whaterver reason, to ensure a low-key, barely noticed send off in the media. The Au Revoir of Restraint, as it were.
Coincidentally, he was the second prominent Anthony in the Free Southern Stateen who crossed over to the Great Out Yonder in quick succession and the first of whose passings was also all but completely ignored by the same media. Odd, very.
Antony Cronin (for it was he !) was appointed by C.J. Haw-hee (actually O hEochaidh is the Leprechaun for a word which is related to a different quadruped ) by C.J. Jockey aka the Apocalyptic Emperor of Self-Importantia as his SPAD in matters to do with the, erm, FF ARTS.
Cronin’s crowning achievment was the establishment of, perhaps, the one pillar of the Establishment which is never pilloried :
-Aos Dána.
This roughly translates as ‘Corduroy Trouser-cough Types’, and is an association of crafty artists which is confined to 250 first drafty guys and dolls who range from grandads-cum- fads with undergrads, galahads with elbow pads and nomads of the no want ads.
Some (and sometimes, more than some) are in receipt of an annual ‘Cnuas’ which is a posh word in Leprechaun for ‘dosh from the curse-o’God public purse’.
Overlooked sourpusses have been heard to mutter in terms that are gruff and terms that are guttural that the majority of members of Aos Dána are them wot at some stage made a point of purchasing a pint for Tones, he who set the tone. Possibly even a pint of Liqueur d’Arts.
But this is only so much wintery creme-de-menthe-coloured jealousy and may be summarily dismissed.
-Saoi.
This is one of the magnificent seven members who sit at the top table of Aos Dána: ‘saoi’ is Leprechaun for ‘savant’, y’see.
If any of these Seven Savants get to wear, erm, Saville Row suits be certain they come equipped with de rigeur leather elbow pads. One thing for sure they do wear, Malachy-style, is the collar of gold called a ‘torc’.
Now, Dinneen’s green-covered dictionary translates a ‘torc’ as everything for a ‘torque’ (possibly even a collar with a torque, though probably not a golf swing with same) to a (gulp) a bore, oops, a boar.
(This is, after all, south of the Black Sow’s Dyke).
All of which hints at the knee-slapping I-j (aka In-joke which lies at the core of the Leprechaun terminology under which Aos Dána is drenched. A small concession to make, y’see. An ace card in a million.
For y’see, Anthony Cronin of the trademark bottle-bottom spectacles , he who went on to be (gulp) crowned a Saoi himself, couldn’t actually, erm, see the point of all ‘this Leprechaun Revival racket’.
Ah, the wink and elbow language of delightful In-jokery Pokery.
It is rumoured, indeed, widely believed that AC actually commissioned one of the musicianers of Aos Dána to compose an anthem for the SPADS located below the B.S. Dyke who are above reproach:
-Come back Spaddy Reilly to Ballynoblames.
I remember listening to an RTE radio programme some years back wherein the interviewer asked the then editor of the Sindo , the late Aengus Fanning,if the term Indo-unionist was a fair description of his tumescent organ. Fanning replied with what I can only describe as affable and laconic outrage that that was a most unfair epithet. Challenged to name a nationalist contributor he thought for a millisecond and produced Anthony Cronin. Hmmmm.
All through the eighties and right up to the present the Indo thrived on a diet of prurient trivia and hatred of northerners in general and northern nationalists in particular.One craggy faced contributor had the honesty to state that openly. He later became an enthusiasti csupporter of post-ceasefire Sinn Fein, and even had a sympathetic, even sycophantic, interview with Martin McGuinness on his short-lived chat-show. Perhaps the shrill cacophony of perennial anti-republican hatred emanating from its overpaid columnists is unsurprising from a publication designated by a previous generation as “William Martin Murphy’s murder-rag”. Murphy had led they employers in the Dublin lock-out of 1913 as they starved the workers into submission. An editorial in the Independent in April 1916 called for the execution of Connolly and Pearse. (Murphy disavowed the editorial) But I digress. Note, information following was largely culled from Wikapedia, whichh, incidentally appears unaware that Anthony Cronin and John Montague are no longer with us. The Aosdana was set up in 1981 at the behest of a group of writers and with the support of the Arts Council of Ireland. It found a sympathetic ear in the form of Charles J. Haughey who considered himself a patron of the arts and a kind of munificent tribal chatelain in whose honour earlier generations wold have composed planxties. The beauty of the Aosdana scheme was that it would cost the O’Heochaidh not a green sou, the tab being picked up by Rialtais na hEireann and ultimately Pobal na hEireann. (NB Subsequent information here was gleaned largely from a Wikipedia article ; Wikipedia currently appears unaware that Anthony Cronin and John Montague are no longer with us)Membership was confined to 200 (later increased to 250) luminaries ordinarily resident iwithin the 32 counties of Ireland luminaries and deemed to have contributed significantly to the arts in Ireland. I am not sure how the original dha cead were selected but once established new members had to be nominated by existing members. That and the fact that under certain conditions members who had fallen on hard times could be awarded an annual stipend (cnuas) led to accusations of elitism and compromise of independence. (The word “incestuous” did not appear in the Wikipedia article). Looking down the list of present and past members I reckon most would be unknown to the vast majority of the Irish population. Of those whose names I did recognise, only Marguerita D’Arcy and Robert Ballagh would be likely to send the slightest frisson of unease down the spines of the organic creme de la creme of Irish bourgeois(e) haute-culture. I will conclude with a reference to one Paul Durcan, member of Aosdana. In his younger days Paul wrote beautiful evocative and lyrical poetry. For all I know he does still.However he was “snapped up” by the Independent Group. and became a rent-a-poet submitting a weekly piece of abysmal and excruciating doggerel for the Sindo. He performed as he expected singing in harmony with the rest of the Anglophile Republicanophobe choir; one of his “poems” began “I hate you Gerry Adams….” Later, in 2003, he was given a weekly spot on the Pat Kenny Radio show wherein he would present a “Address to the (26 county) Nation. Shades of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. Tiocfaidh ar gcnuas…
Sorry to say but I am coming to resent and despise southern Ireland.
Not sure which is my head and which is my heart, but part of me still aspires to the same united Ireland free of unionism we wanted all over this island when I was young.
But another part would be happy to build a trump style wall around the border and let them all go to hell.
We have the unionist arrogant and intransigent Irish haters in the north and the self righteous pompous southern elitist Irish haters in the south.
Makes you wonder, was Ireland cursed to be ruled forever by obnoxious poisonous wankers?
There are times when I feel like the best thing could happen would be for someone to nuke this whole fucking island and let it sink beneath the waves.