Dear Nigel,
I feel your pain. There was a time long, long ago when I loved a girl – let’s call her RDE – but the love was not reciprocated. I would stand on the edge of groups with whom she was speaking, trying desperately to catch her eye. But on the odd occasion that I succeeded, she would just stare frostily, her upper lip curled. Sometimes she would whisper to a friend of hers before rolling her eyes and then they’d both start laughing. Oh, the pain – the humiliation!
So when I see you fuming and fretting on the edges of the televised debate crowd, hoping to catch the eye of the British prime minister, I ache with sympathy for you. Granted, you do seem to some extent to have been successful. David Cameron does seem to have noticed that you and your party exist. But alas, only so that he can, not return your love, but use you. If he can make your inclusion or exclusion from the television debate a deal-breaker – and pretty well everyone knows you will be excluded – then Cameron will have protected himself from being savaged before a national audience. Instead of returning the love you so want to give him – preferably by getting into bed with him (figuratively speaking) after the election – he is using you as a human shield against those who say he should do a series of debates during the election period.
I know, I know. North Belfast is every bit as British as Witney but that doesn’t appear to be how the people living in the neighbouring island see things. Have any of them stood up and said “Hey guys, what about Nigel and his party?” Has anyone put a comforting arm around your shoulders and told you to dry your eyes, worse things have happened at sea? Have any of them insisted that sauce for the Scottish and Welsh geese is sauce for the Northern Ireland gander? It would appear not. Concern with geese, sauce and the DUP would appear to rank low on their list if at all.
But cheer up, dear Nigel. The main thing isn’t the TV debate, the main thing is to stop that IRA ruffian Kelly from taking your seat in North Belfast. And it is your seat. Your pain, not to say humiliation on the national stage (and by ‘national’ of course I mean ‘British’) has earned you that seat. Anyone who has a vote, not to say a heart in the North Belfast constituency must surely feel their eyes misting over at the contemptuous twitching of your strings. So the very least all right-thinking people in North Belfast can do is give you, a political lover cast aside like a used kleenex, their vote and their replacement love. When they do that – for all of the ruffian Kelly’s brave talk in Belfast Castle a couple of night ago – when they do give you their vote and that seat which is your entitlement, who knows? Maybe then David Cameron and his party, who are abusing and humiliating you now, maybe then Cameron will, in the words of Bob Dylan, “come and be crying to you-hoo- hoo”.
Yours in empathy,
Jude Collins
Ah , Jude , the quiet despair of unrequited love….Everyone has experienced it at some time and many still carry the scars to their graves, or to the point of prison.I suppose it is pathetic to see Nigel still stalking Cameron after being snubbed in such a public way , but he probably can’t help himself anyway. He might never grow out of it.He’ll still be standing ..half-crouched behind that hedge …gazing up at the silhouettes in Cameron’s window….listening for the tinkling of dinner-table glasses …the chink of cutlery and the quiet murmur of low-voices in intimate conversation…….long after the elections are forgotten …..I think the “used Kleenex” might have been a ..blow too harsh , though, Jude!!!…still it will all play well at a local level, no doubt…
Dear Jude
You are using one of my photographs without permission.
Please contact me so we can discuss a fee.
Thanking you in advace
Oh dear – is your name on it, Moochin? If you can prove that I’ll be happy to take it down – I’m completely agin people using other people’s work. A fee? Mmm. How would 30p sound?
So where did you get the image from. It doesn’t need a watermark as i took the photograph and as such own the copyright. The original appeared on Sluggerotoole.com in a blog post about the 12th.
OK Moochin – maybe you’d send me a list of all your other photographs which are copyrighted so I can avoid putting them up and giving them an audience in future? Meanwhile I’ll happily remove this one. It’s not really all that terrific anyway, if I’m frank…
This is incredibly unprofessional and makes you look sound like a schoolboy who’s been caught raiding the tuck shop but doesn’t have the stones to shoot that he was wrong.
You’ve used somebody else’s work without credit or permission. Being snide about it does you no credit whatsoever.
Oh dear Sam – I didn’t notice that you were part of Paul’s Moral Police Service. If you’d be good enough to imagine your name included in my abject apology above I’ll be forever in your debt…I speak figuratively, of course.
Jude, there is something truly disappointing about seeing a professional reporter being so childish as to pretend to be shocked that a photographer should expect to be paid for the use of their work. If it isn’t that terrific, why was this the third time you’ve used it? http://judecollinsjournalist.blogspot.co.uk/2013_03_01_archive.html
http://judecollinsjournalist.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/peter-and-nigel-tale-of-two-conversions.html
Probably poor taste, I suppose, SC. I promise you, I’ll never ever do it again, seriously. I feel such a bounder…
http://sluggerotoole.com/2010/07/13/photographs-of-the-day-12th-photographs-at-barnett-demense/
You have my email address please contact me to discuss a fee…..
Jude
Oh dear! You’re in trouble,boy, and now you’re heading into more.
Jude, indeed. In fact the phrase, “no selfish, strategic or economic interest…” comes to mind.
So you are angry and bitter because RDE shot you down it all makes sense now. An interesting counter factual would be that she became intrigued by you then wanted to spend time with you and finally marry you.
After that you may have become a liberal man and you may have fallen in love with unionist culture perhaps you may have even gone to an orange march and proudly waved the union jack or an Ulster flag whilst having an egg and onion sandwich with a nice cup of tea.
RDE has many things to answer for especially breaking your heart perhaps she didn’t like younger men? ; )
Hahaaaa – very good as ever, neill. I wouldn’t want to spoil a good story but I promise you, the object of my lust back in the day was definitely not the female you clearly have in mind. And to be, as they say, fair, I doubt if she lusted after me – we moved in such different circles, I doubt if she even noticed my existence….Thank God. I’m not sure what you’re getting at with the Orange riff but it sounds terrific to me. Don’t like onions, though. RDE has indeed ‘many things to answer for’ but I promise you, breaking my heart wasn’t among them. Back in the day her man of choice was one Patrick Cosgrove, who went on to become an avid admirer of Thatcher and even, I believe, wrote an admiring biography of the Iron Lady. There was even talk of PC getting a place in the Thatcher cabinet until, rumour has it, PC developed a problem with the drink and got untidily sick in the back seat of the IL’s limo. I have no way of verifying or otherwise this scurrilous rumour but I have heard it more than once…
I was wondering who’d snap at that lure first there Jude..good man Neill!!
With all of the above looks like RDE is still causing him pain….!
Are you suggesting the influence of Ruth would result in anyone being `liberal`? Can`t see it myself, besides Jude as a Catholic would not have been particularly welcome at the twelfth.
You give a mench to a saucy wench by the text name of RDE, Esteeemed Blogmeister and a timely one it is too.
Now although hunger is reckoned to be the best sauce not least when it comes to hungering after political power it would appear, alas, that things are not at all well in the sauce department where Old Niggly Nige is concerned.
Especially in the context of the flatterable Scottish and Welsh geese who are being wooed and wowed week on week at Westminster. Now one does not wish to be too hard on ONN and and his duped colleagues in the DUP but there would appear to be a growing body of evidence, not least of the DNA variety, which indicates that they do seem to suffer from some sort of ‘flatterability’ deficit.
One gander at Ole Niggly Nige’s pemanently frowning physiog ought to suffice, evidence wise. Particularly when he’s caught on camera in yet another attempted failure at a mid-rictus smile. That’s the real kicker.
Things used to be so much different in the good ole boy days. When the sauce market was dominated by just two brands, the awesome duo of HP and YR.
Not sure about Norneverland but in those times every sort of French condiment was banned in the Free Southern Stateen. Certainly so, at least until CJH introduced ‘an Irish solution to an Irish problem’. This meant that married couples could go-be-the-wall along to their local MPSI (Monkey’s Pee Sold Inside) and purchase a packet of condiments for their own exclusive and medicinal use.
(Ooops ! Perkie has just realised that he is confusing the two words ‘condiment’ and ‘condom’.
Il est desole.
Must have been caused by his getting caught up in a reverie to do with Esteemed Blogmeister’s belief that the pen is mightier than the sword and so,led him to penning biliingual letters in French and in Vain to la Belle Dame sans Mercin, name of RDE.)
The thing is, HP sauce has never been the same since the image of the House of Parliament was removed from its label. Ole Niggly Nige might do well to ponder the profound implications of that less than gas fact of gastronomic life.
This removal coincided with the brownshirted take over of ye olde esteemed Englishe sauce manufacturers by the brash Pittsburgh company with the (ja!) Germanic name of Heinz. Another fact which ought to ring the old alarm bells within ONN’s belfry, if not Big Ben itself is the subsequent fall from grace of the befreckled boss of Heinz.
One speaks, sadly, of Tones who can no longer keep the Wolf from his many doors: Sir C.E.O’Reilly,himself.
Indeed, every since Sir Tones downscaled his townhouse address to Sraith na Sciorrthai / Skid Row the local nocturnal refuge has been redesignated the ‘Knight Shelter’ out of consideration, due.
Perkie must be pardoned here if he pauses to dab his moistening private eyes with his appropriately entitled ‘handkerchief’.
Appropriate, because for most of its early years HP Sauce was known as ‘The Handkerchief’. This was on account of the historical fact that HP Sauce was invented by a grocer name of .Garton in Nottingham,not Donegal, in 1895. At first it was called ‘Garton’s’ which in reverse spells a synonym for a hankie.
That’s why he changed its name to HP when he heard that it was being used in the Members” Restaurant in the House of Parliament, a restaurantt right well known to Old Niggly Nige, if not indeed to a peckish Perkie himself on occasion.
One of the perks of being a Warbeck from way back, don’t you know.
D’odds are that the news regarding the other one of the traditional Twin Towers of the Table will not bring that much dreaded hint of a ghost of a smile to the physiog of ONN. For which small mercies,, bimis buioch.
In truth, the news is rather on the grim side of things, if one is a DUP rather than a DUB.
Yorkshire Relish (for it is it !), a piquant cold sauce based on pureed pickled fruit (dates etc – perhaps even the date EB never had with the piquant and pureed RDE?) was established in Leeds in the 1830s.
For nigh on two centuries it was manufactured there by good old Goodall and Blackhouse of Leeds, but now, alas, agus seo i i an fhirinne shearbh but this gives Perkie’s inner gloating glutton no relish at all, YR is manufactured these days by (gulp) ‘Goodalls of Ireland’ in Tallaght, that SF stronghold to the rear of Dublin.
As the sauce goes, so go the geese and the ganders, in the wise old leprechaun saw.
Perhaps Old Niggly Nige might reconsider his seat of political operations in the future?
Now, as it happens, just because the leprechaun for ‘sauce’ is ‘anlann’ (that old mischievous lingo – again !) one is not asking ONN or the DUP to start a chorus of ‘Oh, my name is O’Anlann’ or the subsequent verses of The Patriot Game, but nonetheless it is an option open to them, erm, on the table.
Speaking of which, would you mind awfully, s’il vous plait, passing that mother of all French sauces – oui, that bottle of Bechamel.
Truth it, Perkie’s inner foodie is a slave to its classical flavourings of white onion, clove, bay leaf,, salt, pepper and – to die roaring for ! – nutmeg.
Bon appetit !
People in Britain would not put up with colonials taking up tv time, mind you, it would be classic television, listening to the DUP talking about sodomy and sending good Muslims to the shops.What the Brits would make of that tosh is anyone`s guess.
I reckon they would take the DUP and their little-mindedness to their hearts. Not……They would actually extend sympathy to those of us in this country who have had to put up with their crap!! Let them on to the debate. Just for a laugh if nothing else.lol
Jude,
Where did you get Moochin’s photograph from? It is not his responsibility to watermark his pictures or to provide you with a list of pictures that he has taken. If you really care about not using other people’s work (and he does it for a living every bit as much as you do the work as a writer and broadcaster for a living). How would you like it if I were to start passing your work off as my own?
You have used his work without his permission, made him an insulting offer and then been rude about the picture that you chose to use.
You own him an apology at the very least and you need to learn the basic etiquette of intellectual property rights.
Well thanks, Paul. I can now see how wrong I was. I don’t do my work as a writer and broadcaster for a living, though – more a hobby, really. But let me take this opportunity – just a minute until I get this bag ashes on my back – to apologise profusely to Moochman, everyone else and you particularly, Paul, for this unmannerly and dishonest act or is it acts of which I’ve been guilty. I am in your debt for shining your keen searchlight from the high moral ground and I hereby promise that I will never wittingly expose anyone on this site to any of Moochman’s graven images. There – is that enough?
Jude with the previous usage of the image i can assure i will expect more than the derisory 30 p you seemed to think the image is worth. Please contact me at my email address i really don’t wish to embarrass you any more than you seem to want to embarrass yourself with your sarky comments
Just how much do you think Deputy Dodds ` photo IS worth? I mean, no disrespect but he`s no Marilyn Monroe or Brigitte Bardot. (Swoon…..)
That photo don’t worth the time you are spending in complaint it. Be happy someone is using your average photo and don’t lose the point.
Fine. Compound your rudeness and disrespect with The Lowest Form Of Wit. I don’t mind. It’s not me that looks rude and childish.
It would be simpler to do what most decent people do (most bloggers are a bit untutored in how copyright applies to the Internet) and be a bit graceful about it.
There are plenty of photographers whose first contact would have been a legal letter that would have resulted in a significant payment being extracted from you.
By the way, do you imagine that the Kremlinology that you seem to regard as clever political commentary is something that Moochin would chose to have his pictures embedded in?
Paul – there’s something in what you say – I did act in a cavalier fashion by using Moochman’s pic without his permission – I can only plead ignorance – and my follow-up comments were distasteful. I wouldn’t like it from someone else so of course I shouldn’t have acted like that myself. However, at the same time I don’t think I want any more lectures from you – I assume you don’t share the copyright with Moochman? I have no idea what Moochman’s politics are so I don’t know how he feels about my blogs. As for Kremlinology, are you accusing me of being a communist? I may have to consult my lawyer about that.
Too many hounds will worry the hare, Jude has promised he will not use any of your best pal`s photos, I am sure he has loads more anyway.
Did the photographer get permission from M Dodds to a) take the photo and b) post it on Mr Fealty’s site? Just asking.
Yes and what i choose to do with it doesn’t come into it
I’m not sure you understand how the trade of photograhy or the law on intellectual property work there fiosrach….
Jude,
Moochin is a friend of mine and, as far as NI politics goes, I suspect he’s as agnostic as I am. I know him well enough to know that he’d respond the same way if you were in any political camp.
I wasn’t lecturing you. You were rude and discourteous to a friend of mine and I pulled you up on it. I don’t think you quite realise that what you did here was to use his pic, and then say “it’s not even a very good picture” when he pointed it out.
Kremlinology refers to a commentary about politics based upon it’s surface appearance. A certain Old Man was very good on this subject:
“It is well known that a certain kind of psychology explains big things by means of small causes and, correctly sensing that everything for which man struggles is a matter of his interest, arrives at the incorrect opinion that there are only “petty” interests, only the interests of a stereotyped self-seeking.” (Marx writing on the Free Press) https://marxists.anu.edu.au/archive/marx/works/1842/free-press/ch06.htm
Paul – you certainly were lecturing me. But if Moochman is your friend, fair enough – shoulder-to-shoulder and all that. Yes, I was rude – you’re right there. And dismissive. And I feel bad about that – I detest it in others so I’m sure it’s not particularly appealing in myself. As for your Kremlinology quotation, it’s Marx at his clotted-prose worst. If you’re suggesting that I’m into self-seeking, I’d shelve that one. I don’t get a red cent for any of this stuff I write. Alas.
On the day when the story of the ancient Assyrian city of Nimrod getting bulldozed into oblivion was hogging the cultural heads this ding dong about Doddsy ‘s mugshot seems set to knock it off its perch.
And there was Perkie’s inner Lord Lichfield thinking it was a selfie itself, so lovingly, so painstakingly, so indulgently had it seemingly been taken, oops, crafted.
Just goes to show how wrong even the most enthusiastic of us amateurs can be. Just goes to show how far back in the dark rooms we live.
There was a terrific movie for teenagers of all ages back in the Fabulous Fifties, Esteemed Blogmeister, called ‘Somebody up there Likes Me’. It starred Paul Newman as the middleweight, Rocky Graziano.
This ongoing ding dong seems like a remake, not.
A follow up fillum of sorts was later made, looking at things from the opposite corner as it was, ‘Raging Bull’. This starred Robert de Nero in the role of Jake La Motta.
This was the nightmare/ dream bout which never was. If it had been, Perkie’s inner pugilist knows which slugger his dough would be/ is on. Why, the dabbler in the sock exchange whose fists are of blinding shutter speed.
And isn’t ‘intellectual property rights’ in the context of this shindig a daarllin’ use of understatement entirely?
As of now, looks like the looming May Showdown of Manny Pacquiao v Floyd Mayweather will be considered lucky to get the nod as even ‘chief supporting bout’.
Come to think of it, there’s one snap Perkie’s inner Anthony Armstrong J. would dearly love to lay his hands lovingly upon. It is that of the distinguished Alderman himself (whose name escapes one at this Kodak moment in t.) and he to be hanging in all his begowned pomp and g. in the vestibule of the secure Primate House in Belfast Zoo.
Now, to be clear on this no petty matter of supreme importance, both cultural and intellectual, it is not sufficient to obtain this snap, sorry,this photographic portrait ‘in excslusivo’.
It must the one taken ‘in situ’, as it were.
Those Nimordians amongst us who fully appreciate the crucial importance of photographic archaeology will understand.
Is there someone up there who can help one?
Jude – I hope you sort things out with Moochin – he’s a good bloke.
The Marx quote is just knockabout. I wasn’t suggesting self-seeking. It’s a criticism of political writing that deal with the surface and personalities rather than the larger forces that are, in Marx’s view (and mine) more pertinent. I made the remark in response to what I saw as a belittling of my friend’s craft. I’m a trades unionist by profession.
I’m not a fan of political columns, but there are plenty who are, so where there’s an audience….
It’s all R D Es fault!Judes ironic reference to the good lady has meant that the object of his concern ,Nigel has not received his fair share of comment!!
Jude, it seems you are a plagiarist sans pareil!
As an interested, independent observer, I think a remedy is due to the Mooch.
Could I suggest that as a picture has the importance of a thousand words, the injured party is due 50% of your profit on this blog for damages, with an extra 25% for personal insult.
Hope this adjudication will be agreeable to both sides.
http://fairuse.stanford.edu/overview/fair-use/what-is-fair-use/
well done Jude, another brutally honest account of the true nature of the DUP i.e. notice us Britain, oh please wont you look our way.
Cannot say i would pay for the use of a photo. Especially a slightly amateur one. But in saying that i am not sure why photography exists as a professional at all. Maybe its like beauty therapy.
Moochin is very much *not* an amateur photographer. The pic in question was part of a project that was built around his work with his own unusual photographic contraption.
Fair use has it’s place in US copyright law but not in the UK or, indeed, most of the EU. My mother (from Mayo) is able to demonstrate that everything was invented in Ireland. When she found me working on copyright legislation a few years ago, she pointed out that the whole thing was invented in Ireland and proved it by citing the reason that St Columcille was chucked off the island in the 6th century. “To every cow it’s calf…” – you can Google that if you like – most of the links I’ve found spin the story one way or the other on the modern copyright debate.
would you all shut up about the photograph – we don’t care – we log on here to get annoyed about politics – not photographs